Cabin Fever or DSM? A Meditation for my Sun Belt Friends.

You might have heard, we've had some snow here in New England.  Boston gets the publicity, and probably should, because that's where the population is dense-ist.  (And I mean that in body-per-acre sense).  But our corner of New Hampshire is, literally, in the corner that Massachusetts makes so that they "get" Newburyport Township.  The snow IS beautiful, and quiet.  At first.  I am pretty tired of it by now, and some piles of same are turning a nasty, ugly brown from churned up dirt, sand and salt. Puppy, our cat, is an indoor cat.  But even she was perplexed at the view she had out of the back door.  Usually she can see the far end of the yard, trees, our deck, and the red, waist high railing that runs around the deck.  I'm quite sure SHE couldn't see the railing any more.  I hope it doesn't get buried completely.

 

The deck on the North Side of the house is my "happy place."  It's what I imagine when I am stressed out, lonely, tired, etc.  But I imagine it in AUGUST!  Not in winter when you might actually freeze your butt off if you sat there for more than a few minutes.  Even with hot tea or cocoa it is NOT my happy place in February.

 Wisely, we contracted with our yard guy and plow man to clear our walkways this year.  Our bill this month is going to be a fortune, but I think it was a good investment in preventing back spasms and cardiac arrest.   To the left and below you can see the depth of the snow.  IT IS ABOVE THE WAIST.

 And if the depth of the snow isn't daunting enough, the longitude ( Latitude, Longitude: 42 51.9' N, 71 02.5' W) we are at means that the front of the house is in shade by about two in the afternoon.  It's a little bit brighter, longer on the South side of the house, but after about three thirty, the trees block the sun.  (Again, not so noticeable when there IS sun and a blue sky.) Sunset today was at 4:11 pm.

 The depth of the snow both below and ON the bird feeder is why I haven't re-filled it for a while.  I'm sure the Jays, Tit-mice, Chickadees and assorted Sparrows are peeved. 

 If you are taller than a cat, this is the view toward the deck from the laundry room.  The big lump is our Weber grill.  Needless to say we won't be barbecuing very soon.  The good news is that our insulation is working and we don't have homicidal icicles or costly ice dams.

We probably could use an expert to dig out our patio table, umbrella and chairs.  Smart New Englanders put these things away at the end of summer.  I was so hoping summer would last longer (and it was actually pretty nice though New Year's) that I got caught flat-footed in January.

Now we've all  heard of Cabin Fever.  I thought I had Cabin Plague.  Or something.  But you know, even if it is "only" Seasonal Affective Disorder, I'm starting my only program to prevent (or treat) depression. If you've got sunshine, celebrate.  If not, make your own, and stay away from the left-over Super Bowl Treats!

There's a difference!

I'm wondering how often I think I know what I'm saying or feeling when I don't.  And it can cause problems.

As I have been anticipating and worrying about upcoming radiation therapy, I realized that I wasn't sure if I knew the difference between depression and tiredness.  I know that tiredness is sometimes a symptom of depression, but what if one is "just" tired and need sleep?  It doesn't seem like too much of a stretch to think that depression might also be a side effect of fatigue.

I took a linguistic side trip and discovered:
discernment stresses accuracy (as in reading character or motives or appreciating art) discernment
to know true friends>. discrimination stresses the power to distinguish and select what is true or appropriate or excellent discrimination that develops through listening to a lot of great music>.  So apparently I need to improve both!  What is true?  What is accurate?
And being such a visual creature, I sketched 4 little drawings in which I tried to depict both experiences.
Later I scanned and elaborated on each one.

 Depression, for me, is like a horrendous dark cloud that prevents me from seeing hope, choice, or even any changes in the future.  Fatigue is more a sense of being run down, wrung out and maybe not caring what choices and changes might be in store for me.  I think fatigue might need to be taken care of more immediately than depression.  Take a nap!  Or, paradoxically; the opposite -- get some exercise and THEN take a nap.

 The red flare represents the anger that can hide under depression's cloak.  It's there... AND it seems to come as a result of outside influences or obstacles.  The blue pool represents the deep tiredness... and it seems to come from within.  Where they overlap, there can be emotional riptides, eddies and shoals.  But beyond them, there is brightness, and a new day.

 This is a side by side comparison.  Depression on the left; descending from above and pushing one down... like a great burden on ones shoulders, or a huge hat made of lead that keeps you down.  On the right, that little black dot is a swimmer-- too far out to sea.  Possibly too tired to get to shore.  Not trusting the natural ebb and flow of tides, time or even a possible rescuer.

And a more graphic interpretation.  The oppressive red arrow pushing DOWN in comparison to the dark arrow trying to rise UP.  With so many little bumps, seeds, bubbles (or something) needing to be present, noticed and contended with.

How would YOU draw fatigue?  Depression?
One thing  I noticed is that doing the drawings helped me disengage from the grip of both emotions;  writing about them helped me figure out a lot about how I let them get the upper hand.