Obstacle? Speed bump? Time to ask for help?

 You might think that approaching my 50th high school reunion, I'd have learned to how to keep house. I haven't.  I did find a darling husband, though, who doesn't seem to mind.
Nevertheless, hope springs eternal, and I would like to do better.  I would start by making sure that the kitchen sink and counters were cleared and clean before I went to bed.  (Oh, yes, I know of Fly Lady... we're just barely on speaking terms.)

Two whole days, I was successful. But on the third after a larder-filling trip to the grocery store, bags of not-so-perishable items remained on the dishwasher staging area.  For some reason I decided this was unacceptable sabotage by aforementioned darling husband, and I allowed dishes to accumulate in the sink. In spite of the fact that he had done the shopping and brought in the bags (when we actually had an agreement that my task was to put away), I got caught by the idea that he should have put these groceries elsewhere.  And I didn't tell him.  I just stewed in my own juice.

It was annoying enough that I consulted/whinged to my wise daughter and Happiness Project/Better Than Before partner.
"Have you talked to him about it?" she asked.

Darn.  I hadn't.
So I did.
After a rather uncomfortable conversation I realized that with some things, if there was the teensiest obstacle or set back, I had a toddler style melt down and went on a sort of resentment binge.

There are times to say NO! and there are times to say "Let's GO!"

 In this case, I thought I should already have learned to keep the kitchen spotless and felt ashamed that I was still inept, unsuccessful and a mess when it comes to housekeeping.

It came to mind that there were other times when a tiny obstacle stopped me in my tracks.  Think of a twig on the garden path.  Not a boulder.  Not a big branch.  Not a bear or a lion. A twig.

I realized that even I could navigate over or around a twig.  I have done so in many other arenas.  In those areas, I  learned to overcome setbacks and even failure.  To "get on the horse again," as they say.

And in talking to my husband, I re-discovered that if I HAVE perceived a boulder, branch or bear, I can ask for help.  Even though he correctly pointed out that putting the groceries away was my part of our "deal," he pretty much leapt up to clear the dish washing staging area, AND then put the dishes in the dishwasher and rinsed the sink. I felt so much better.  The problem of my messiness, failure and resentment was gone.  I felt loved. Absolved. Like I had a second chance.

It was kind of heart-breaking to realize how desperate I have to be before I ask for help.  I have clues as to how I got that way, but for now, I choose to ask for help sooner.  It's actually a way I can be nicer to myself.  AND, I can check around and see if a little bit more effort would allow me to get past the tiny twigs.

What help would you like to ask for?