Thursday, December 04, 2014

The day AFTER the horrible, no good, very bad day.

Yesterday was the pits.  I felt off balance, angry, afraid, and a little queasy most of the day.
Today was a very different story.
Yesterday I took the car for oil change and inspection. 
            FOUR NEW TIRES. $$$$
Well, that wasn't too surprising.  The service agent had warned me the tires were getting thin a couple of months ago, so I was not too shocked.  (And apparently a SUV type car burns through tires faster than a "regular" sedan. But what threw me into a royal tizzy was that the  guy couldn't find my car registration.  And I had NO IDEA WHY IT WASN"T IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT.
I totally panicked.
DH was not answering the phone.  AND I had plans for the rest of the day.  And.... and... and.

But today was a new day.  A VERY new day.
First up was an appointment with my "shrink."  If you've known me long, you know that I was one myself, and that I became one at least partly so I could unlearn a lot of crazy stuff I'd learned from my parents (They were part of the "Mad Men" AND "Leave it to Beaver" generation), and  have an excuse to study why people get depressed, discouraged, stuck, etc. etc.  So even though I aged out and retired, I still need to read, study and digest.

Well, boy, howdy were there ever some important insights, changes and experiences of relief this morning.
So that pretty much eliminated  yesterday's catastrophizing, melancholy, worry, fear, anxiety etc. I felt like it was finally safe to stop wearing a cumbersome, heavy suit of armor. (I never felt like Zena or one of those dominatrix types in the video games!)  I also realized that I'm not in a perpetual jousting tournament any more.  I suddenly found confidence that I could figure out a solution to the car registration dilemma and that it was unlikely I would go to jail:  for the rest of my life.  

DH was SO understanding, without my really having to say much.  (He couldn't find the registration, either).  But he agreed to see if we could get either a replacement registration paper, or register for the coming year at the Town Hall.  (In New Hampshire, your car registration is due on the last day of your birthday month.)

We could! and we did!  The Town Clerk didn't have a lot of understanding OR sympathy about how people lose their registrations, either, but acknowledged that we were hardly the only ones, even in our tiny town of about 4289 people.
So now the car is registered until December 2015!  AND we went to get the car inspected, and didn't have to pay, because it had been included in the bill for the tires and oil change.

So, I stopped and bought some (more) yarn!

And then answered e-mail.  Knit some and then had a happy, fun painting session.  Worked on a snow scene that I'd prepped with lavender under painting.
 And attempted a little still life with bears, lemon and lime (artificial, also from yarn supplier).  I'm happy with the brush work, but had no idea just HOW flat pears could look!  
But you know what?  I still feel FREE.  Freer than I've probably felt since I could walk or talk.
And that made it a very good day.
The kind of day when you just wanted to be your best, brightest, most fabulous self.  I think that's what I was trying to do in the photo of me, above, when I was about three.  I plan to feel that feeling every day, whenever possible.
There's a land that I see where the children are free
And I say it ain't far to this land from where we are
Take my hand, come with me, where the children are free
Come with me, take my hand, and we'll live
In a land where the river runs free
In a land through the green country
In a land to a shining sea
And you and me are free to be you and me
                 Marlo Thomas


Holly said...

I'm feeling good about you feeling good. Hugs!

Lisa Daria said...

I love this photo of you!!!