Journal to a Muse

RIP

Tamara died last evening with her husband, son and parents at her side. Please keep them in your hearts.

"I had thought the tumors..."

by Grace Paley, from Fidelity. © Etruscan Press, 2008. Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2008.

I had thought the tumors

on my spine would kill me but

the tumors on my head seem to be

extraordinary competitive this week.

For the past twenty or thirty years

I have eaten the freshest most

organic and colorful fruits and

vegetables I did not drink I

did drink one small glass of red

wine with dinner nearly every day

as suggested by The New York Times

I should have taken longer walks

but obviously I have done something wrong

I don't mean morally or ethically or

geographically I did not live near

a nuclear graveyard or under a coal

stack nor did I allow my children

to do so I lived in a city no worse

than any other great and famous city I

lived one story above a street that led

cabs and ambulances to the local hospital

that didn't seem so bad and was

often convenient

In any event I am

already old and therefore a little ashamed

to have written this poem full

of complaints against mortality

which biological fact I have been constructed

for to hand on to my children and grand—

children as I received it from my

dear mother and father and beloved

grandmother who all

ah if I remember it

were in great pain at leaving

and were furiously saying goodbye