Journal to a Muse

Parties and Hospitals

I hope that in the future, I remember to do all I can to "glam-up" when I visit anybody in the hospital. Tonight was my agency's party (with games which DH barely tolerated -- think Southwest Airlines Advertisement!!). It is nice that the Board of Directors puts on such a nice and festive spread. And it was healing given the deaths of two children of co-workers.

And afterward, based on a warning email from a mutual friend, I visited dear TSH who is in the hospital. Again. The news was that her cancer is now eradicating/destroying her blood. Even though the tumors (melanoma) are static, she's been having transfusions nearly every week.

Whether she enjoyed the glitter on my scarf and sweater, I don't know. But her family members and other friends seemed to appreciate the arrival of someone who didn't look glum. Or scared.

Last Friday, I took her this Jim Shore Bear Ball and Parasol. It isn't overtly Christmasy, but I thought it was cheerful... and I sort of see myself this way, sometimes. Performing, entertaining, cheering -- feats that most people would think were unlikely... and probably funny.

I'm going to try to do the same thing in a few hours... return to the hospital and hope to meet up with TSH's husband and grown son (in from Oregon) for breakfast, and to invite them to vent, provide tissues, and let them know that I'm thinking of them.

And then I'll find a Starbucks or quiet place andknit a little, probably do a bit of paperwork for work, then meet two friends for lunch. I even have a client appointment in the afternoon.

Last weekend, I wept. For my friend, for other realizations that came clear in startling ways. I think something important is healing inside. I know my friend is very near the end. It will be OK if she dies, even I've heard that she doesn't think she wants to. (Even eyewitnesses are unreliable, right?) Even though I expect I will miss her. But maybe I won't. Because I know I won't forget her. And THAT's a good thing. She's cogent, though not very verbal. She doesn't complain about pain, although I understand that she's on Morphine and More.

She grinned when I told her I hoped she knew I loved her. I know she loves me, too.