Journal to a Muse

Improvements and improving!



















DH clipped my chicken feathers down to stubble.Ccompletely bald is much better than scraggly. On the other hand, I might have had a nervous breakdown if I went directly from hirsute to hairless. I think HE might have had a breakdown as well. And I know that my children were freaked by that middle state... which only THEY got to see. Nobody in their right mind would go out looking that way if they could avoid it. I didn't go out in public that way, so perhaps my "right mind" isn't too far gone.

Second Chemo was No. Big. Deal. Oh, yeah, my blood pressure was up in the MD's office, but not by too much. No tummy aches, green tea tastes divine, nice long sleep. And half of the chemo sessions are now done! I hope that the Neulasta injection Monday is as much of a non-event.

In my generation I managed to turn around the "I am beholden and obligated and resentful of my parents" thinking that my mother and her parents suffered from...Dad's thinking included beholden and obligated without the resentful... but so far as I can tell, my children don't feel any of those... they are motivated by affection, caring-- basically THEIR feelings, rather than any that I have contaminated them with.

The Daily Motivator's message today was that while we have every right to be angry, we have every right to let the anger go, too. I think that's what I've managed to do (well, most of the time)... And it was the letting go part that my mother didn't know how to do... she knew how to be angry, passive, covert, denying... but not forgiving. And never forgiven in her own mind. What a sad life to have lived... at least from my viewpoint.

Now it's time for me to forgive my messay ways and get on the ball doing, ahem, delayed spring cleaning so that my darling chilluns will have space in which to relax when they get here NEXT WEEKEND. I am SO glad they wanted to come. SO SO GRATEFUL.

Watch out dust bunnies, here I come!