Journal to a Muse

I'VE STARTED READING AGAIN!

DO YOU KNOW ANYONE LIKE THIS?
Someone with three or more of these characteristics?

• failure to conform to social norms
• deceitfulness, manipulativeness
• impulsivity, failure to plan ahead
• irritability, aggressiveness
• reckless disregard for the safety of self or others
• consistent irresponsibility
• lack of remore after having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another person

"The presence in an individual of any three of these "symptoms," taken together, is enough to make many psychiatrists suspect the disorder."
Martha Stout, Ph.D in The Sociopath Next Door.

Ms. Stout's case studies are more succinct (and just as creepy) as Stephen King, and she does an excellent job of explaining why these people aren't like you and me. (Unless you are the 1 out of 25).

I don't think any of us want friends, relatives, bosses, or those in political power to be sociopaths/psychopaths. But this really helped me understand a co-worker who puzzled me 30 years ago. She just didn't care what happened. She KNEW right from wrong (at least by other people's standards) but lacking a conscience, any choice was 50/50 with her.
Should I lie or tell the truth? 50/50
Should I do the work assigned to me or not? 50/50
Should I be nice or nasty today? 50/50

These folks mostly to exercise power over others. Some like to exercise violent, financial, sexual power over others. Some just want to be lazy, so they get their cohorts and companions to do "everything" which doesn't look powerful, but can certainly make their target feel powerless.

Remember: 4% or one out of twenty-five.
Note-- Anorexic eating disorders occur at 3.4%
Schizophrenia disorders occur in about 1% of the population.
Colon cancer occurs at a rate of .004%

They ARE out there.

On a less frightening topic, but one that concerns me as a therapist, as a woman who "had to date" in middle age, and as the parent of grown, single children is a book by the former producer of the Oprah Show and former journalist at ABC, Jillian Straus. The book jacket doesn't say she's married, so she may have had a personal investment in the topic.

I haven't read the whole thing... but so far, I like her warning about singles having "checklists" for mates. The shorter one's list of "can't stands" and the longer one's list of "likes" the better your chances for finding someone with whom you can be (OR BECOME) compatible. In the olden days if the woman could have children and keep house, and the man didn't drink and could feed the family, it was all good enough. Couples adjusted around the fine points!!

I can hardly wait to get to the bits about unspoken and unfilled expectations!

Strauss sorts through the pros and cons of text messaging, e-mail and Instant Messaging that have replaced live conversation and investing time in getting to know someone. If Mr. Match.Com has 25 women drooling over his hunky photo (which may or may not represent the real deal), can you blame him for wanting to sample every dish before really settling down with one? Well, yes, if you are wanting a stabile family unit, children soon enough to avoid all the fertility angst and/or having your children's friends call you granny.