Journal to a Muse

I still get tired easily.

Most of the time I easily forget (or deny) that I was treated last year for breast cancer. I saw the spot on the x-rays, and before that felt the lump. But mostly I forget. My hair is coming back (a funny texture and even funnier color, but I'm not complaining). But two things make me remember:

1. How fast I get tired.
2. How slow I get worried.

Yesterday I had 9 women over for dinner. Our group has nearly 40 members, but usually somewhere between 10 and 15 actually makes it to meet, and when it is "convenient" the hostess may prepare a "light supper" for the women who have come straight for work.
DH knew me better than I knew myself. He offered to help with cleaning and "anything else" and he did. (The last of the Christmas decorations got put away, and he made what seemed to me at the time like an essential second trip to the grocery store for Diet Coke.)
The menu was SIMPLE.













Meat, potatoes, steamed veggies and a tossed salad. And wine. Boy was everybody happy with their glass of wine!



And somebody else brought dessert.
You'd have thought I had cloned Julia Child or Escoffier. These women were SO delighted. (Maybe it was the wine.) Or, maybe, it is that many of us don't have calm, chatty meals over home-cooking any more.




Getting with the program.

We always have a program of some sort. Last night a dear friend talked about the value of cultivating GRATITUDE. She waxed enthusiastic about noticing beauty. About paying attention. About decreasing demands. About eradicating the egocentric attitude of entitlement.

I'm not sure she realized it, but I was tickled at how often she implied I'd helped HER expand her ability to discover gratitude. I didn't know I'd made a difference like that, there, with her.

You may have read here that I am impressed by my DD's courage. I felt gratitude when she said she learned it from me. (Through giving advice rather than example.) She wrote:

Thank you about the "brave" thing... I just really took to heart the advice YOU gave me about my hair while I was in jr. high and apply it to a lot of things...you told me if I acted like I wanted to look like however it was looking, no one would know any different. Turns out that works in A LOT of situations.

Indeed!

I am glad I went to the effort-- to cook, to comfort and to encourage.

Today, I had client meetings and then went to an ethics seminar. If you ever want a fun one call Dancing Moose Productions!! I learned a new word: SUPEREROGATION. So far as I can tell, it refers to doing more than is required (especially regarding ethical behavior). I may have to write letters to my local, state and national representatives. If they knew there was a word for it, maybe they would DO it. I am glad there is a word for "going the extra mile" for something of value. It reminds ME to do it.

And, especially since I am clear (more so than ever) about my mortality, I'd better start doing what I can, rather than fretting over what I can't. To the extent I CAN, I will teach courage, coach comforters, and exemplify fairness, rationality and compassion.

Even if you aren't tired, it helps you sleep better.